PAPINO - Volume 1

5/24/2018 PAPINO - Volume 1

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PAPINO

Volume 1


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Take a look at that picture up there.Just look at it, and bask in its half-assed pretension and obscurityDont get your intellectual hopes up, its really just me drunkenly snapping a picture of an even drunkerstranger, in a country that wasnt even my own. nd thats what you will get with this little photo art prosecollection called !!"#$% horseshit, apathy, depictions of the wonder and banality of life, skating,

partying, self-denial, art, and the kooks we encounter walking down the street. $h, and other randomthings that might make you smirk. & 'ad (alone, Editor


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Papino Volume 1

5/13

'ad (alone, Dan )umsteg.......*

+ophie oettcher....'ad (alone...../ick 0nolam....1Dan )umsteg......2(orohoshi.. 34'ad (alone.35(att 6how..31(eggan +isto..78+tephen 9ayton..................................................................................................................54'ad (alone, Dan )umsteg...............................................................................................53'ad (alone.........................................................................................................................57(ichael /osa......................................................................................................................55:enry '. Johnson...............................................................................................................5bout the contributors.*1

Photo and drawing creditsDan )umsteg ;31, 38, 75gmail.com
mailto:[email protected]:[email protected]:[email protected]


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Outcast+ophia oettcher

'he man with the moustache growing from his nose:e eats like a caterpillar

+lowly, compulsively:is lips draw morsels to them as if by gravity

:e smiles forlornly like a toad:is forehead impearling with sweat

'he crack of his mouth wends its way to black owl eyest lunch he always sits alone.


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BAe 143'ad (alone

Dave would swirl his glass of iceshards and vintage 'aliskerboast to ears half-turned

?@ou know " Aew the Bueen onceandwhatC

gleam that faded back to dustbut how their eyes would listenif he told them how they burned

their clothes in oil drumsbut organi=ed their underwearin masses in the sun.


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Brown Recluse

/ick 0nolam


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+ome local idiot told me the story of one of his mushroom trips, and its one of the moreharrowing that "ve heard. "ts not that " necessarily believed him, but its entertaining enough toEll a page.pparently, he had procured about an eighth of magic fungus and planned out hisusual trip, sitting glass eyed in his room watching the i'unes visuali=er, looking at the stars, orwhatever he dumb shit he did. :e said he was seeing miraculous lights, Elling his room or

something eBually psychedelic. :e was blabbering on about the usual mysticism that comes withmushrooms and Foa 'rance, so " interrupted him to ask why he was so eager to tell me about thistrip. :e caught himself, and began to stutter through what happened neGt.

"n the midst of his happy stupor, a small spider caught his eye on the Aoor, and he bentdown to inspect it. #aturally it felt his presence and scurried into a corner behind a bureau. :egave a silly chase and managed to corner it with two dirty shirts. :e picked the spider up,marveling at his capture and their living connection and the wonders of nature and how alike hewas with the spider and all the other shit you feel when your shroom, when he felt a shockingpain. :e threw off the spider and as the pain multiplied unbelievably he staggered out of his roomin a poisonous ha=e. 'he neGt think he knows hes in the emergency room, still tripping and evenmore confused. 'urns out, that spider was a brown recluse and even though the bite wasntdeadly, he passed out, nearly hitting his head on his beds frame. :is mom ran in hearing thesound and freaked. +ince he was in the emergency room for a spider bite, they hadnt the slightestidea he was peaking on a poisonous trip and didnt test for any drug. :e served his day in thehospital watching the walls wiggle, maybe reAecting on his brush with death and probablycosting his parents a grand, then walking out none the wiser.


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Three Drawinsy (orohoshi;note


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Bac!si"e Bispin'ad (alone


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Darren had spotted the stairs one day when he took a different route to work. +ipping onan energy drink while driving, he happened to look up and almost skidded to a stop, seeing a stairset of ten, with a perfect run up and end and a near perfect location. :e stared at it, judging itsdimensions until the line of cars behind him honked and he Buickly sped away.:e took that same route for the whole week, each morning slowing his car to a crawl by the stair

set, absorbing all of its possibilities and ha=ards. :e had yet to see any security or people hangingaround, and he knew if he came alone and parked across the street, he could make a clean break ifany problems should arise. Irom all of his observations, Darren had decided it was an immaculatespot, one perfect for skating long periods without interruption. 'he only thing that bothered himwas a skittering crack in the pavement two feet from the last step, and after inspecting it every dayfor a week, this small, nearly invisible hiccup grew into the most frightening aspect of the spot.$n Iriday after work, he drove to the stairs and climbed them with his board under his arm. Iromthis angle, at the top, every aspect changed. 'he perfect stairs he had seen from his car andmorphed into a big, cement monument to the unattainable. :e looked around as if someone might

be noticing his internal battle, but he was alone. :e began to pace in a small circle, tapping the tailof his board on the ground. :e thought of the tricks that were possible, a frontside 384 or akickAip, but when he tried to visuali=e himself in the air over the stairs he could only get to thelanding, where his board would most likely catch the crack and he would be tossed into theground.

"m here, Darren thought, what am " waiting forC :e skated back twenty feet, and stopped,

staring again at the stairs. #ow he could only see the top. :e stared some more, and rubbed hishands nervously.'hen almost without a decision he took off, pushing with force as he approached the stairs. :eollied at the edge and Aoated down the stairs, landing past the crack, wobbly but successful. 'he


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strong Aeeting feeling of fear and eGcitement were gone the instant he landed and had rolledaway. :e looked back at the stairs and they seemed smaller, approachable like they were when hehad Erst spotted them a week before. :e remembered he has a camera in the car, and Buicklycrossed the street to get it.Hith a swelling conEdence he afEGed the camera to a stand about twenty feet from the bottom

step, angling it slightly up to catch both the stairs and the ground in front.Hith that Erst jump he felt vindicated, or at least capable of throwing down something special. :eran back up the stairs to his Erst spot, but gave himself a few eGtra feet of run up. :e went for itagain, pushing furiously until he was ten feet from the stairs. :is feet repositioned, he crouchedand popped the board into a clean spin that he caught halfway through the jump.s soon as he was aware of his feet touching the board, he was on the ground. 'he board bouncedaway as pain shot through his ankle. :e looked up confused. :e knew it was the little crack thatruined his attempt, but still he felt an increasing sense of purpose, a drive to hammer this ten stair.

:e ran back up again, this time slightly limping. :e decided against the front side ig +pin% thatcrack was not compatible with it. :e knew he had to go faster and throw himself farther.lthough his adrenaline was surging, he took his time walking back to the commencement point.:e wasnt entirely comfortable with a backside ig +pin, it reBuired a strange Ainging motion andperfect foot placement, but he thought of the split second hang time as his body turned with thespinning board and Egured he could overshoot the crack.'his time, he truly took in the stair set and its looming edge. :e was afraid but he had faith. #otin his ability, but in skateboarding and its mechanisms. :e had landed enough scary tricks toknow that it wasnt so much techniBue as it was sheer conEdence in the action. :e couldnt shakethe butterAies in his stomach, but he knew if he didnt try it now, those butterAies would Ell hischest and eventually his whole body. :e looked up at a cloud, hesitating, and then took off. :epushed as fast as his legs would allow, getting his feet positioned just as he got to the stairs.


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"nstantly he popped the board into a sharp spin and turned with it as body and board sailed intandem down the stairs.Ior a brief moment he saw the stairs below him. 'hen as his feet caught the board and he landedon all wheels at once. 'he feeling of euphoria Elled him as he rolled away and he wiped hisforehead with his shirt. 'he trick was so impossibly huge that he put his head in his hands and

kept rolling, reliving the snap of his board and the perfection of his landing as he rolled into thestreet and was hit by a car.


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#A$B%&

(att 6how


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I wonder if this is going to hurt,Jack wondered as he stared down at the siG-barrel revolverplanted sBuarely in front of him sitting atop a simple circular, four-legged, wooden table. 'here isa red velvet cloth draped over the table, making it feel like a brand-new billiards table. ut this isnot the main purpose of the table. 'his table, placed in the backroom of a hole-in-the-wall

dumpling restaurant, was used primarily for the purposes of illegal gambling. +moke pervadedthe room and the only light came from a single light bulb, draped from the ceiling by its electricalcable, above the medium si=ed table. 'he table was bare besides the 6olt +ingle ction rmy thatsat in front of Jack. 'his speciEc +ingle ction rmy toted a customi=ed ivory handle and cleanpolished body that made the gun look as if it was crafted from silver. 'he game is, of course,/ussian /oulette, a game that Jack had always joked about, but, up until this very moment, hadnever played.

Ior those of you who havent played /ussian /oulette or do not know the rules to such a

game, it is Buite simple. Hhat you will need for the game is a circular table, a revolver, a bullet,and a good amount of cleaning supplies. 'he number of players is dictated by the number of

barrels in the revolver you have chosen. "n this case, the 6olt +ingle ction rmy that was used inJacks game has siG chambers. 'hus, there are can only be up to siG players at a time. 'he singlebullet is placed in a random chamber and the barrel is spun in order to randomi=e the placementof the bullet. 0ach player sits at the circular table and watches as the other players puts therevolver to their heads and pulls the trigger. 'he game continues until one of the players blows his

brains out. $f course this is a gamblers game and as such there is usually a reward. 'his is wherethe game begins to differ depending on where you are. +ome of the more hardcore gamblers playmultiple rounds, others split the money between the Eve of them and then players can buy intothe neGt game if they are brave enough. Ior Jack, in the easy-going suburb of +unnyvale,6alifornia, all he needed to do was survive this round. "f he could survive this one round, then he


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could Enally get home and put these last three days behind him. :e would be done with (ickeyand all the organi=ed crime that had gotten him into this situation. :owever, there was oneproblem he was number Eve out of siG and the Erst four men were still alive. 'wo chambers left, aEfty-Efty chance he was going to die that night and the events of these past three of days were justa precursor to his death.

Jack stared down at the gun sitting before him and as the thought of his possible death ranacross his mind, he thought back on these last few days and possibly what went wrong. :ethought back to the apartment that he shared with Denise, his girlfriend. :e was sitting on thecouch after a long day of work when this weekend started.

KJackwe need to talk.LK:ey honey, whats upCLKHellhow do " say thisCLKHhat is itCL

K"think we shouldLKFo on a vacationCLK" was going to say break up.LKHhatCL Jack was alarmed, apparently this came as a surprise.K"ts not you" mean, "m going through a lot ofL Denise was fumbling around with her

words as if trying to decide whether to lie or to tell the truth.KDenise, what is going onC Did something happenCLK" justL Denise stopped at this, she couldnt make up her mind, but she had committed to

ending their relationship in this moment on this day, she could not simply stop. K" slept withDon.L

Jack looked away in a moment of confusion and pain, KDonC Hho is DonCLKDon, you know, thebarista from+tarbucks.L


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K'hecoffee guyMCLK@eah, well" mean, he is also a play-writing student at N69 and his familyLK" dont need to know more about the guy you cheated on me withML

K0noughML one of the players said impatiently bringing Jack back into the present, KHeve

waited long enough, get on with it.L :e motioned towards the gun and Jack. (ost of the othermen were silent, but at this the player sitting neGt to Jack took the cigarette from his mouth andspoke to the impatient player in the most calm voice Jack had ever heard.

KDr. :arrison, as you can see this boy isnt even past his prime. Nnderstanding the fact thathe may never see the sun rise again, perhaps you should give him some time before he plays histurn.L

KHeve waited long enough, he has almost been sitting there for what seems like half anhourM " would like to get home at some point in time.L

K:arrison,L the smoking player said, Kit has only been Eve minutes and this boy has animportant decision to make.L 'he smoker was wrong, Jack did not have a choice, this was the onlyway he could get enough money to pay off (ickey and only after (ickey had his money could

Jack walk away and treat all this like a bad dream. ut, even with all this in his mind, Jack did notwant to back down. Jack wanted to prove something, perhaps to Denise, maybe even to himself.

Jack no longer wanted the life he had before this weekend, but he was also unsure that he waswilling to die for such a metamorphosis. 'his indecision Buickly pulled him away from reality, tothe point that he no longer heard :arrison and the smoker speaking.

K"felt trapped,L Denise said as Jack and she stood outside Halts apartment compleG neGtto Denises car. Jack had Buickly Aed the scene after Denises confession and found shelter at his


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best friends house. Halt, short for Halter ubbs, had been Jacks friend since freshman year ofcollege and was the one person he went to in these times of desperation.

KHhat do you meanCL Jack asked.K" mean " am twenty-Eve, the prime of my youth and my boyfriends idea of a good Iriday

night is sitting at home and watching a 9aw and $rder rerun.L

K9aw and $rder is Buality television,L Jack spoke defensively.K@ou dont even watch +ON, the only good 9aw and $rder. nd, if an episode comes on

that you have seen, you watch it againM "t doesnt have second-round secrets JackM @ou arent goingto uncover something new the second time aroundML

K"LK0very week night you do the same thing, you come home, watch the news, eat dinner,

which is usually a +ubway sandwich, then surf the web and go to sleep. @ou do this every nightM9ike clockwork. " am too young to be acting like " am siGtyML

K+o thats why you slept with Don, the +tarbucks barista slash play-writing grad studentCLKs cra=y as it soundsM @esM @es, that is eGactly why. Jack, " understand if you want the

boring Buiet life that you have worked so hard to maintain, but "m too young for all that. "m notready to settle down yet. " want more than that.L


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Jack Enally understood Denises words on that Iriday afternoon. efore this weekend, hislife was boring. :e listened to the same 6D every day on the way to work, he watched a lot of9aw and $rder 6riminal "ntent, and he liked the news. :is days surrounded that same routinesince college. Jack chuckled, to the surprise of his tablemates, about what Denise would say if shesaw him now. :e touched the gun, which seemed to set everyone in the room on edge. :e tookhis hand off of it and the room seemed to reset back to normal.


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KDont worry about that stupid bitch,L Halt said as he put his arm around Jack in the

passenger seat of Halts Jeep Frand 6herokee, K/ight now, as we speak, " am taking you to one ofthe greatest places on earth.L

KHhere would that beCL Jack asked in disbelief.


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K happy place by the name of +unnyvale in the great state of 6alifornia. 'here really isntanything to do there, but my drug dealer, Derek, is having a birthday party and he says its goingto be great.L

KHhy didnt you just leave me at your placeCLKecause " thought that, instead of sulking all weekend and watching 9aw and $rder, my

friend, whose girlfriend of eleven months recently cheated on him with a +tarbucks barista, couldgo balls out with me at my drug dealers house party.L

KHhy not,L Jack said, Kmaybe this is what my boring life needs.L

Jack laughed for a second time at the circular table with the smoker and :arrison. This isexactly what I need, he thought sarcastically while looking over at Derek with that bloody makeshift

bandage on his hand.

Kre you alright sonCL the smoker asked as he sent a look of concern towards Jack.K"m alright,L Jack chuckled again, K"m just trying to remember how all this got started.L'he smoker chuckled, K" ask myself that Buestion most nights.L

Jack smiled at the friendly face of the smoker, but, this was not an eGistential Buestion thatJack was asking himself. :e was simply recalling the events of the night from the time he and Haltarrived at Dereks house party to the moment that same party was crashed by a the local source ofeverything pill-related (ickey (c6ourt. pparently, Derek the weed dealer had recently dippedhis hands into the ecstasy trade and conveniently forgot to pay respect to the appropriate

underworld authorities. 'hus, (ickey (c6ourt had decided to show Derek who owned theecstasy market in +anta 6lara 6ounty by crashing his 71 thbirthday party. lmost ten minutes after

Jack and Halt settled in the hot tub in the backyard, they heard a crash in the house and gunEre.Jack and Halt see strippers, miscellaneous drug enthusiasts, and a pimp run away from the house,


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but Jack and Halt did not run. /ather, they couldnot run, because Halts car keys were on hispants and his pants were on the kitchen table a few feet from the backyard in which they sat.

K"m"m sorry (r. (c6ourt,L Derek cried while clutching his bloody hand.KDid you think " wasnt going to End out about this (r. 'ranCL (ickey said while swinging

a pistol around, K" know about every little ecstasy deal that goes down in our fair countyML

K"" know (r. (c6ourt, please, " didnt mean any disrespect. /eallyM !leaseMLHalt and Jack, attempting to leave the area snuck Buietly into the kitchen. 'hey were almost

free of the whole situation until Halt, in his desperation to escape Buickly dropped his pants andallowed the keys to splash onto the kitchen tile, which made just enough noise to alert (ickey(c6ourt and his associates of their presence.

KHell who the fuck is thisCL (ickey asked as two of his gunmen dragged Halt and Jackinto the living room and threw them down neGt to the bloodied Derek.

KHere just two of Dereks buyers,L Halt pleaded, KHe just came for the party.L

Knd what, may " ask, do you two buy from our mutual friend hereCL (ickey askedmenacingly as he usually speaks during these types of situations.

KHeedsir,L Halt blurts out.K#o ecstasyCLK#o, just the weed.LK@ou two wouldnt be lying to me would yaC Just saying what the man with the gun wants

to hearCLK#o of course not, never touched the stuff after college, just weed for us.L

KHell,L (ickey says, K"m inclined to believe you two and " grieve for your unfortunatecircumstances, but you two will be staying right here until my business with your friend isconcluded.L (ickey turns away from Halt and Jack and shoves his gun into Dereks neck. K#owwhere is your money boyCL


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K"tsits not here.LK" know where its not, " want to know where it is.LKHell, you seeL Derek chuckled nervously. (ost of Dereks money, besides the two

thousand he keeps for emergencies, was inaccessible for the time being. @ou see, Derek, beforebecoming one of the main marijuana dealers in +anta 6lara 6ounty, had gone to college at #@N

and receive a double major in Enance and economics. 'hus, in a strategic gamble to improve hisEnances, Derek invested most of his proEts in stocks. 'his was disappointing news to (ickey,who, in an attempt to kill two birds with one stone, planned to discipline Derek for his impudence

by shooting him in the hand and stealing all his money. :e would then use this money to pay offhis suppliers. +adly, due to Dereks lack of funds, (ickey was forced to resort to a game of /ussian/oulette, the only game in all of the 6upertino criminal underground that would win (ickey thefunds necessary to repay his father. 'his is where Jack Enally came into the picture. (ickey, whilestanding over Dereks Buivering form reali=ed that it was not he who had to play the game, but

simply a member of (ickey (c6ourts family. Derek was out of the Buestion because the playerswould know his face and he wasnt remotely "rish enough, Halt also did not have the propercompleGion to feign an "rish background. nd thus (ickey laid his eyes on boring Jack, half "rishon his mothers side. 'hese were the unfortunate events leading up to Jacks participation in thisgame. "n order to save not only his life, but the lives of Derek and Halt, he would have to play thegame, and if he survived, the winnings would buy their freedom.

K+o whatll it be kidCL :arrison asks staring into Jacks face with impatience. "t is easy forhim to be impatient since he survived his shot and is simply waiting for the end.


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K:ave you ever been called boringCL Jack asked as he took hold of the 6olt +ingle ctionrmy. 'he men at the table Buieted down and all eyes in the room were on Jack. :e raised it to hishead and pointed the barrel against his head. :e wrapped his Enger around the trigger andsBuee=ed with absolute steadiness.

6lick.


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Between Two %uns

(eggan +isto9ook at me.

t me, standing here.

9ook and shake your head all you want. t my glossy eyes, these restless hands, my haltedbreaths, these ragged words slicing into one another. 9augh and sigh all you want, because " havesomething better than your cynically sheltered way of being. "ve got my naked heart, a speakerthats always on eleven. Iorget that eGposure makes contraction of infection inevitable and thatyour arteries will pulsate a millisecond slower after recovery. Iorget that broadcasting is bundledin a single muscle Eber with apprehension and that they will compete bloodily, repeatedly, todominate the four chambers of your heart. Iorget that transparency means entrusting thesinoatrial node, your pacemaker, to another, and that the outcome, the timing of each heartbeat, isregulated without your input. Iorget that the vena cava veins will feed toGically numbing blood toyour system, hardening your insides, throbbing for a more cautious approach. Iorget that for awhile you will let the toGin consume you, that the pericardium will develop a third or even fourthmembrane to protect your heart, that you will adopt his cynically sheltered manner. Iorget all thatand understand that eGposure makes blood course through your veins, and until youve felt theseelectric pulses wrapping rapidly around your core, dangling you over the ledge, sweetly teasingyou with reward, nipping at your every sensePuntil you have felt such magnetic vivication, youknow nothing of liberation.


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Blood then Wings

+tephen 9ayton

Irom you and me and the sea some thingssoap cigarettes saltwater gasoline

between the open windows stream.

Irom you and me and the trees some thingsbark-cut skin, blood then wings

stir the dusty sunlight streams.Irom you and me and the bees some things

those honey small stingsinside whats lost, inside what lingers.


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Tumbleweeds

by (ichael /osa

$ut on the tarmac, the engine teetered on the cusp of sputtering out in deEance to his rightfoot. 0Ghausted by the lack of fuel and genuinely disgruntled in the heat of ri=onas summer,

James pulled over to step out and read a sign which was otherwise illegible% covered in dust andreAecting the suns rays in a blinding white light reminiscent of the Auorescent bulbs that stutteredin his high-school biology class.

37 (". N#'"9 #0Q' /0+' +'$!...

'welve miles was the distance between him and any resemblance of civili=ation. "tappeared as though the entirety of vegetation in the region had taken a vacation. $nly the tantumble weeds showed as much enthusiasm as he to simply move, to be somewhere else, awayfrom no name ri=ona, where even the devil brought a bottle of water for fear of dehydration.

'here was no point in standing out in the heat. 'he door creaked as soon as he pulled thehandle, protesting what it knew would be a grueling twelve miles. Hhen he sat back down in the

drivers seat, it moaned, sinking under his weight, as if he were the last straw on this thirstycamels back. James turned the key. 0ngine attempting to turn, he tried pushing the gas to jump-start the old sedan, but it was no use. :e took the keys out of the ignition, then his imitation /ay


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ans off of his face. James rubbed the bridge of his nose, simultaneously blinking sweat out of hiseyes.

$f all the sons-of-bitches in this Fodforsaken stretch of worthless land, he was stranded.:e reali=ed, of course, that he was the onlyson-of-a-bitch in this Fodforsaken stretch of worthless

land. 'he corners of his lips turned up for the Erst time since 6olorado. !utting his sunglassesback on, he put the keys back in the ignition and turned. 'he engine coughed then Buietly roaredto life.

:e looked solemnly at the dash board, surprisingly disappointed that the car started. tthis point, he just wanted the trip to be over. ut the soft vibrations coming up through theAoorboards ensured at least another twelve miles.

R6alifornia better be worth it.R


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Nexty :enry '. Johnson

'he airport terminal is busy when " step off the plane, " swing my bag over my shoulder

and walk towards baggage claim. 'here are people all around, waiting for their friends and lovedones, but the sound of their meetings is drowned out by my i!od playing 9ady Faga as " walkpast all the eagerly staring parents or friends, some jumping to embrace their tearing children asthey come off the plane. First-years," think to myself as " walk out of baggage claim and towardsthe street. "t is spring break and everyone is Aying home from college, over half the people on myplane were loud, chatty college students eGcited about their return home from the throes of Enalsweek intertwined with drama concerning their roommate or their signiEcant others. "f this waslast year, then " would be together in the same category the chatty college student fresh off of

energy drinks and all-night studying ready for some /S/ after the second Buarter of the schoolyear. ut, this is not last year, and as of two days ago, " am no longer a college student. Fraduateda Buarter early with honors from the great and gloriEed Nniversity of 6alifornia, +an Diego.0ntered with high hopes, left with a achelor of rts in 0nglish 9iterature. Has that a smart moveC$nly time will tell.

" walk out and feel the brisk cold hit me like a wall. " left +an Diego wearing shorts and a t-shirt in sunny seventy degree weather only to come home and meet with the sky attempting todrown the earth. " sit down on a bench in the pick-up area. (y parents are late, but " appreciate

the time alone. " breathe in the air and it feels different, crisp, alive. " cant help but smile as mybody reali=es that " have come home.

cold bree=e hits me and " feel it in my bones. (y hand Buickly takes hold of my bag andopens it looking for the jacket " place inside for just this occasion. :owever, to its surprise it End


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unfamiliar objects inhabiting my bag. " am about to look in, when " feel a tap on my shoulder. woman is standing behind me holding a bad identical to mine.

K" think we switched bag,L the woman says, K" assumeyouare #ick $+haughnessy.L" look at the bag " am holding, Kre you are rianna +antos.L " feel like an idiot and my

voice conveys that feeling. He eGchange bags and rianna looks inside. " pull out my sweater and

Enally End some reprieve from the cold. +he Ends that " have not stolen anything from her and,with this moves over to the stop sign to wait for whoever has been given the duty of picking herup. " try to return to my music, but this woman has caught my eye and " cant help but look overat her every once in a while. 0ventually, " reali=e that she has made the same mistake that " have%wearing summer clothes in winter weather. +he shivers to keep the cold off, but to no avail. coldwind sweeps through and she moves from her place at the stop sign to the bench where " amsitting. He try to ignore each other at Erst, but after she shivers again " pull a second jacket out ofmy bag and present it to her. K@ou look cold,L " try to say nicely, but it sounds more gruff than

anything.+he looks at me for a second and then takes the jacket, K'wo jacketsCLK@ou can never be too sure,L " say looking over at her, Kyou never know when there will be

someone who needs it.LK"t looks like we have both been stranded, #ick $+haughnessyL rianna says to me. "

check the time and it has been thirty minutes after my Aight landed.K9ooks like it,L " say stretching my legs, K+o what are you doing in +an JoseCLrianna +antos is a Erst-year graduate student at the Nniversity of +an Diego, that shiny

6atholic school up on the hill above my school. 'heir school motto is Emitte Spiritum Tuum, in0nglish that means K+end Iorth 'hy +piritL. " dont remember how " know this, but " do, probablysaw it on a campus visit or something. rianna herself was studying anthropology, basicallywhere we humans come from and how we are what we are today. +he is here in +an Diego


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because it is her brothers wedding. :e is wed to a Kblond uppity-bitchL, but " do not dig further,the politics of my own family are complicated enough without me having to hear about anothers.+he looks at me intrigued.

K+o what about you #ickC Hhy are you hereCL" pause for a moment to consider the eGistential Buestion she has posed me. ut, ignore my

tangential mind and tell her that " have just graduated from college and am seeking free room andboard at my parents house while "" cant Enish my sentence, not really. " have been thinking alot about what "m going to do, but seriously enough " just dont know. rianna sees me pause andchuckles a little. " look up confused.

K@ou know, a year ago, " was in the same place you were.L +he recounts her brief, tenmonth stint as a waitress at an $live Farden. +he was living at home, just barely making enoughto make her loan payments and keep a social life, however limited.

K@ou know the one thing " learned in those ten monthsCL rianna asked me. " shook my

head. KJust dont think about it.L " look confused. K" kept on thinking about what " could do andwhat " should do, but " never considered what " wanted to do. Iinally, when " stopped thinking somuch, " reali=ed that " knew what " wanted to do all along.L

K+tudy anthropologyCLK0Gactly.LHe talked a little bit more, but soon her ride comes to pick her up. +he pats me on the back,

shakes my hand, and whispers in my ear, Kjust wing it.L before she rides off, out of my life for theforeseeable future. " want her to stay, but soon " End my ride home.

(y father and mother at sitting in the 6ivic with the heater on and oldies lite-rock playingon the radio. 'hey are happy to see me and besides the years of resentment " have towards myfather " cant help be crack a smile when " see the two of them. " Buickly jump into the back seatwith my bag and we drive off. 'hey tell me that everything that " sent home got there safely and "


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am relieved. (y 'O is safe, " feel a weight lift itself from my mind. 'he drive home is loud as myboisterous father berates me with Buestions about my Enal Buarter. KDo you think you passed allyour classesCL Kre you sure you wont have to go back for the neGt BuarterCL KHhat classes didyou takeCL K6hinese :istoryC Hhich dynastyCL " Enally answer all his Buestions in time to enjoythe last Eve minutes of the car ride. 'he rain is falling and the clouds blanket the sky, but it isnt

night just yet and the sunlight from behind the clouds lights everything in a grey hue, one of myfavorite times of the year. " stare out at familiar landscape, but it all seems different to me, " am nolonger working towards living in the real world, no longer taking classes on skills that " will needwhen " become a real human being. #o more time in the training simulator, this is the real worldand this reali=ation begins to hit me harder than the weather did twenty minutes ago.

He get home and " drag my bags into the room " slept in as a child. " Aick the light switchand the room is illuminated casting light upon all of my books and pictures. " dont unpackanything, " just throw my bags into a corner and lay down on my bed, the Aight was short, but "

feel tired. (y conversation with rianna +antos continues to play in my mind. " must have beenstaring at the wall for a long time because my mother walks in and asks me if "m okay. " tell her"m Ene, but her look of concern does not leave her face. +he tells me that these neGt couple ofmonths may be rough and that " can take all the time " need to think about what to do neGt." thank her as she walks out of my room. " think for a while about what " need to do and sigh as "come to the same mental road block " have encountered before whenever " think about thesethings.

KJust wing it huhCL " say under my breathe, KmaybeL


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"f youre lucky, you might be able to snag a copy of this issue for free as we are dropping them inselect locations around the bay. $therwise, write to papino=ine>gmail.comand get a copy for 7

bucks ;plus shipping you cheap fucksgmail.com, or look us up on facebook.

He welcome gifts and donations. Hhatever that means.

#o contributions will be used without the artists consent.

6opyright T 7435 !!"#$. ll /ights /eserved.
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PAPINO - Volume 1

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